About My Services
Since I invented the Toolkit, I can say with confidence that I make a very good Toolkit coach. A program like the Toolkit can be done alone, but sometimes you want a supportive person to report to, strategize with, and help you over the rough spots. You can Ask The Therapist specific questions or contact me for more information.
And now I’ll talk about psychotherapy. Some people have had life experiences that left them deeply hurt inside, and behavioral interventions like the Toolkit are nowhere near strong enough to make the pain go away. Some estimates, for instance, say that up to 75% of people who have been abused or through some kind of trauma turn to drugs or alcohol. If you’re one of those, you could think of the abuse or trauma as the root cause of your substance use issues, and work accordingly.
My deepest interest is the spiritual/emotional healing that is at the heart of getting your substance use under control. I have trained in two psychotherapeutic modalities that can help you reach deep inside and do that inner healing. It’s very gentle, no-one is asking you to go to places you shouldn’t go to yet, and it works. It’s a way to nurture and heal the lost and hurt parts of yourself.
There are also a lot of people who say, “Thank God I wasn't traumatized or abused as a child – so I don’t know why I can’t just get over this drinking/drugs/whatever and just get on with my life!”" And yet their substance use has a compulsive feeling to it, and over the years their efforts at control have never shown sustained success.
To you, the answer is: yes, you may not have suffered any “big T” traumas like major life-threatening incidents or terrible abuse, but I firmly believe that “small t” traumas (less dramatic, but cumulative hurts) are just as significant. Children are incredibly sensitive and open creatures, so when they repeatedly get messages of rejection, unworthiness, you don't count, it doesn't matter what you think, don’t be a baby, stop crying, and so on, it makes them stop believing in themselves and it breaks their hearts. Then they cobble a bunch of defenses and reactions as best they can to get through this and eventually become – us.
So, even though there are no terrible memories to dig up from a deep and dark past, there can still be a plentiful supply of pain to make sense of the emotional pain and the addictions we are going through today. When the young, frozen and abandoned parts of ourselves get hurt and out of control, we respond by shutting them down. Drugs and alcohol are popular ways of doing this because they work really, really well. This kind of dynamic is going to go on in one form or another until you address it – whether it’s with psychotherapy or some other kind of healing modality. What I am good at is standing at the interface between these trauma issues and what gets called substance abuse, and helping people get healed. And when you are healed you don’t have to reach for the drug or the bottle to make the pain go away. If you want to find out more, email me here at this site, or call me at 917-671-6923. I’m always happy to talk, and I’m very open to just hearing from you.
And Just Remember This . . .
Many drug and alcohol programs will tell you that you have the disease of addiction and, “once an addict, always an addict.” I don’t think that the notion of “addict” is all that useful the first place, let alone sticking you with that label for the rest of your life. It’s more a stigma than a diagnosis. I see out-of-control drug/alcohol use as a symptom of emotional pain, not as its own disease. Your bad habit, like anything else in the world, is subject to change, especially if you work hard. The Toolkit may help you do this, or you may need more work on healing the emotional roots of your problem, but of course it can be done, and you can put this past behind you. I send you every good wish in your work.